ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
