if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
