it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
