it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
