I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
