Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
