dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
