My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
