i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
