So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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