Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
