What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
