dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
