Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
