I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
