I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
