then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I got inside last night via doggy door
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
