dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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