come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize