One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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