I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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