My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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