Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
