I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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