So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Randomize
