Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
