I would go down on you faster than GM stock
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
