why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize