i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
