Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
