White coat. Heels.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
