I think I died a long time ago.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
