did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
