My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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