we're blogging at a bar
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
