I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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