I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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