whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
