Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
