thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You took a bar mat shot.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
