He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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