Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
