Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
