quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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