mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
