At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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