You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There's always time for handjobs
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
