I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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