i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
