What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
is wine microwaveable?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
