how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
