Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
