Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
