dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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