I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
