And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
