The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
