Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
zippers are such a cool invention
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
