she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
