Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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