all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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