I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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