I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
