Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
don't judge my taste in strippers
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
