Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
