We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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