I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
