I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
