just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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