I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
