Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize