I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
