How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
