apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
