I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
