I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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