I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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