you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
