its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
