I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
