Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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