im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Randomize
