if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize