JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
