I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
