she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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