After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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