Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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